Μιχάλης Λαζάρου

(~mihalis)

Πέστε ότι θέλετε για το Gmail (ή/και το Google) αλλά το spam filter του είναι άπαιχτο - un-παιζ-able στα ελληνικά.

Επειδή το gmail ελέγχει και το alumni account του πανεπιστημίου μου παίρνω αρκετό spam μέσω αυτού (κατακρίβειαν του παλιού account που είχα όταν ήμουν φοιτητής και το οποίο δήθεν θα διακόπτονταν μετά την ενεργοποίηση του alumni account, αλλά ακόμα πάει συλλέγοντας πολλά και διάφορα). Τελοσπάντων, είπα να δω τι έχει μέσα αυτό το "spam" folder. Αμαν! Ελέφαντες, τέρατα, αρκούδες!

Εμπνευσμένος από ένα παιχνίδι που έκαναν οι Babbling Bishops στο πανεπιστήμιο μου επέλεξα μερικούς τίτλους (subject lines) από τα διάφορα spam emails μου για να γράψω την πιο κάτω ιστορία - όχι σκετσάκια εν κάμνω. Οι τίτλοι είναι σε bold και η ιστορία στα αγγλικά για πρακτικούς και εκφραστικούς λόγους - o Jose Suarez είναι όνομα sender:

Jose Suarez walked into the pub. Amy, the waitress turned to him asking: " Can we help you ". "Yes, I'm looking for Michael ", Suarez said. "I'm sorry", she said picking up her next order, 6 bottles of fine wine PLUS the Vintner's Reserve Wine Opener, " more info needed ". Jose wanted to meet Michael to make a deal for what he called" the coolest cell phone on the planet ". However, Michael or the Godfather, as he was known in these parts would not be easy to trace. Suarez looked through his briefcase in search of the note he had with the password; "I have a Mother's Day Bouquet for him", he persisted. Amy nodded, much to his delight and escorted him to the back office where two oversized bodyguards were waiting. "We have to update and verif[y] your account ", one barked. Suarez reached into his briefcase and presented him with a box of " Premium Cigars Plus Bonus Gifts ". The bodyguard grabbed the box and reach over to open the large wooden door. As it opened a woman with hot large big breasts appeared. "Are you here to see Michael?", she asked him. "Yes, Are You Michael? ." "No, he is not here right now," she said. Right, Suarez thought, and I make 5k to 20k a month from home. It was time for the second password. "This is A Service for Christian Singles, is it not?". The Godfather used the match making service as a front for his illegal deals "Sit," the woman said handing him a form, " Please Complete ASAP." She opened another door, that led into a long dark corridor and left Suarez there to complete the form. He started thinking that all this was not worth the trouble.

The form was quite standard; name, telephone number and a few "personality" questions. Finally, the woman walked in and called him. She took him to an office and the Godfather spun his large leather office chair towards him. "What have you got for me," he said jumping directly to business. " The coolest cell phone on the planet," Suarez exclaimed. The Godfather stated his objective directly: "This is about your software, the machine does not interest me." Suarez nodded: "OK but remember this is your last chance before rates go up, this is the best deal around." The Godfather stood up from his chair: "OK, we need to talk more. Here's my card. Call me today. I'll get my people to talk to your people, we'll do lunch." " It was nice speaking to you," Suarez said and walked out.